Houses I'm Judging Harder Than Men
Build-A-Bitch Pool Edition

HOUSES I'M JUDGING HARDER THAN MEN

A curated collection of South Carolina real estate, rated by vibes, judged by Jen, and tracked for Michelle Robinson · EXP Realty LLC Ballantyne

"Financially Smarter, Emotionally Dangerous"

The theme: Decent house. Decent land. Pool now or eventually — I need water to rest in. Older is fine as long as I'm not buying a construction project. I want a house with a personality. A story. Something that feels like mine. — Jen

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🏊‍♀️MLS #4366076

BUILD-A-BITCH POOL EDITION

Financially Smarter, Emotionally Dangerous

3447 Victorian Hills Dr
Richburg, SC 29729
$475,000
Est. $2,850/mo
🛏3 bed
2.5 bath
3,164 sqft
· 1 acre
No Pool (Yet)BUILD-A-BITCH READY1 AcreBrickBonus Room3D Tour
Brick two-story, bonus room, 1 full acre, great price, great area. No pool — yet. That's where the BUILD-A-BITCH part comes in. The land is there. The budget math could work. I would absolutely spend $40k turning the backyard into a situation.
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🚩MLS #4362590↓ $100K DROP

RED FLAGS WITH GREAT LIGHTING

Personality Disorder Property

2248 Willie Usher Rd
Lancaster, SC 29720
$549,000
Est. $3,294/mo
🛏3 bed
3.5 bath
3,096 sqft
· 1.2 acres
💰 Extra parcel of land included — could be sold separately. Investment brain: activated.
Heated Pool + SlideHot TubADUTheater RoomSmart Home$100K DROPExtra Land to Sell
Renovated to the studs. Heated saltwater pool with a SLIDE. Hot tub. ADU. Theater room. Dropped $100k in a month. ALSO — there's extra land that could be sold separately. My brain is already doing real estate math I'm not qualified to do.
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💸MLS #4369392

FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE BUT SPIRITUALLY CORRECT

Delulu Estate

2609 Park Ridge Blvd
Rock Hill, SC 29732
$625,000
Est. $3,750/mo
🛏4 bed
3 bath
2,958 sqft
Full BrickPoolLandNew ListingMini Mansion
Full brick ranch. Mini mansion energy. Pool. Land. My accountant would cry. My gut says this is the one. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
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🤠MLS #4364888

BETH DUTTON WITHOUT THE FELONIES

Boots, Bourbon, and Boundaries

836 Meadowlark Dr
Rock Hill, SC 29732
$525,000
Est. $3,150/mo
🛏4 bed
2.5 bath
2,539 sqft
· 1.33 acres
Wrap-Around PorchPool1.33 AcresTwo-StoryNew Listing
Wrap-around porch. Two stories. 1.33 acres. Pool. This is the house where I drink sweet tea, stare at my land, and dare anyone to test me. Beth Dutton would approve. Probably.
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📺MLS #4342066

VINTAGE VIBES, PREMIUM LIES

Mid-Century and Mid-Life Crisis

1982 Jim McCarter Rd N
Clover, SC 29710
$614,999
Est. $3,690/mo
🛏4 bed
3 bath
2,053 sqft
Renovated 1970sVirtual TourAppraised Above AskingQuartz Counters
1970s bones, fully renovated. Quartz counters, new appliances, virtual tour. Appraised ABOVE asking price, which is cute. But $615k for 2,053 sq ft is a shag carpet tax bracket I'm not sure I'm ready for.
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✨MLS #4372207

INSTAGRAM SAYS I'M STABLE

Looks Like I Fold Fitted Sheets

3071 Hilton Rd
Rock Hill, SC 29732
$625,000
Est. $3,750/mo
🛏5 bed
5 bath
3,154 sqft
· 2.05 acres
5 Beds / 5 Baths2.05 AcresBuilt 2019Massive PorchHot Property
5 beds, 5 baths, 2 acres, massive front porch. Built 2019. This house looks like someone who has their life together. I could pretend to be that person. For at least a week. Maybe two.
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🍌MLS #4318655

CASSEROLE AND GOOD DECISIONS

The Banana Pudding Estate

2999 Eastview Rd
Rock Hill, SC 29732
$480,000
Est. $2,880/mo
🛏3 bed
3 bath
2,774 sqft
· 1 acre
Pool1 AcreRemodeledOpen HouseGreat Value
Older, remodeled, cozy. Pool. Full acre. Great price for the square footage. This is the house where you heal, make casseroles, and actually sleep through the night. Nana had standards and she passed them down.
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🆕MLS #4371556

THE I'M BRAND NEW

Soft Launch, Already Suspicious

112 Hancock Xing
Clover, SC 29710
$550,000
Est. $3,300/mo
🛏3 bed
2 bath
2,456 sqft
Coming Soon May 9Virtual TourBrickWrap PorchMystery Listing
Coming soon May 9. One photo. $550k. Brick exterior, wrap porch, virtual tour. Not enough information to make a rational decision — which means I'm already interested. Classic.
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🏜️MLS #4368971

ALL DRESSED UP, NOWHERE TO FLOAT

Serving Looks, Missing Water

448 W Highway 324
Rock Hill, SC 29730
$550,000
Est. $3,300/mo
🛏3 bed
2 bath
2,086 sqft
· 2.47 acres
2.47 AcresNo Pool 😭Beautiful ExteriorLots of Land
2.47 acres. Beautiful house. Great bones. But there is no pool. NO POOL. On 2.47 acres. I respect the hustle but I cannot respect the absence of a pool. We are not the same.
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